As Long As You Don't Come Back
by firstflier
Summary: One-shot in which Lily arranges to meet Severus to clear the air after The Incident at the Lake. James and Sirius make a cameo appearance and Lily begins to really re-evaluate her friendship with Severus. (The start of Jily if you squint)


**Title: **As Long As You Don't Come Back  
><strong>Author: <strong>firstflier  
><strong>Rating<strong>: PG  
><strong>Length: <strong>3,314 words  
><strong>Summary: <strong>Lily realises the difference between being along and being lonely.  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Plot bunny was bouncing and would not go away! I do not own the characters and am in no way affiliated with Harry Potter.

Hogsmeade was resplendent in all its Christmas glory. The little village was completely covered in snow and looked like a scene straight out of a Christmas card. The shopkeepers had hung tinsel around the windows and there were several decorated Christmas trees placed strategically throughout the cobbled streets.

The Christmas spirit was infectious and almost the entire school, third year and above, had ventured out into the cold, December weather for the last Hogsmeade trip of the year.

Lily Evans was no exception.

Sitting in The Three Broomsticks, she was perhaps the only occupant without a jubilant smile on her face. Instead, she cradled her Butterbeer between her cold hands and frowned at the gnarled wooden table she was sat at. She had purposefully chosen a table out of the way and she had, mercifully, been left to pout in silence thus far. She was particularly annoyed about her sodden feet that had gotten soaked after trudging through the thick snow on her way to the pub.

In truth, Lily was more nervous than annoyed and had just been grateful that no one had interrupted her silent thought process.

It had been almost 6 months since The Incident beside the Lake.

6 months and yet Lily could recall every word that had been shouted.

"_I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!" _

It still hurt. 6 months on and she could still feel that dull ache in her stomach. The ache that she had tried to force down time and time again to no avail. She had wondered when the bubble of anger and shock and disappointment would pop and she could move on with her life and it had come to her suddenly one Thursday afternoon; she needed closure.

Since The Incident, she had taken great pains to avoid Severus at all costs. Lily had noticed almost straight away that this was not a particularly arduous task because Severus did not appear to be overly fussed with making contact with her either. She had assumed that he was embarrassed by his behaviour and had been unsure how to apologise to her but she had soon come to realise that he had not sought her out because he was hanging with a new crowd now.

When they passed in the halls, he tried to make eye contact with her and she looked determinedly forward at the end of the corridor, refusing even to acknowledge his presence.

Other than his attempts at intense eye contact, he had not tried to reach out to her.

Lily was mature enough to admit that she had been somewhat disappointed.

She had half-expected Severus to come running to the Gryffindor Tower the night of The Incident and begged for her forgiveness but he had never come. She had wondered at first whether it was because she had (wrongly) valued their friendship more than he had. As the days passed and the summer term melted seamlessly into the summer holidays, Lily had been grateful that Severus had not come to resolve the matter sooner as this would have made her decision more difficult. If he had approached her in those first few days of hurt she might have shouted at him for being a prick and then forgiven him prematurely to alleviate the embarrassment and loneliness she had initially felt.

Instead, the space had been good for Lily. Not only had she had a chance to calm down and review the situation rationally, she had found her classmates and the girls in her dormitory to be more understanding than she had ever given them credit for. Even Potter...

"Let's not go there." She muttered under her breath and moved to take another swig of her Butterbeer.

Lily's musings were interrupted by someone clearing their throat nearby.

Snapping out of her daydreams, Lily turned and green met grey as she made eye contact with Severus Snape for the first time since their estrangement.

"Severus."

"Lily."

Their greeting was formal and Lily wondered almost immediately why she had suggested that they meet for a drink to clear the air. She waved her hand at the seat opposite hers and Severus slowly sunk into the chair, back as tense and rigid as always.

Typically intuitive, Lily quickly surmised that Severus was nervous. The bitter part of her – the part that still stung when she recalled his cruel words – grinned in victory.

"Why are you drinking that stuff?" Severus' question caught her off guard and she struggled to understand what he was referencing until he eyed her bottle of Butterbeer distastefully.

She frowned.

"I've always liked Butterbeer." She raised her eyes from the warm bottle to see Severus' eyes widen with surprise. It had only recently dawned on her just how little they had really known about each other. As children they had talked about anything and everything. She had shared her dreams with him and he had talked about his hopes for the future. Looking back now, it seemed so long ago that she had shared such personal things with him and strange to think of 'Severus' and 'hope' in the same sentence.

They had both changed so much.

"Look, Severus I-"

"Evans!" Sirius Black's booming voice was a shock to the system and, all of a sudden, his grinning face was right in front of her as he slung an arm around her. "What are you doing over here all by your-" Sirius' grin ebbed and died, the arm around Lily's shoulder went slack and Lily could feel the tension in the air as Sirius finally noticed who was sharing Lily's booth. "Snivelly. What in the seven hells are _you _doing here?" The venom dripping from his voice was almost tangible.

"Not that it's any of your business, _Black, _but Lily and I were just having a drink. We'd enjoy it if more if blood traitors like you would sod off."

Severus' words were like a slap in the face. The kind that wakes you from a bad, hazy dream and Lily felt the last of the fog lifting as she realised what her one-time friend had become.

Sirius' bark of laughter was forced and he looked at Lily with thinly veiled disappointment. "How _charming. _I'm surprised you would be here mixing with her 'kind' since you think all muggleborns are so filthy and beneath you."

Severus rose quickly to his feet, pale hands shaking.

Lily's fists clenched and she could feel the blood rushing to her face. This was escalating quickly and if she didn't put a stop to their spat then wands would soon be drawn. She knew the drill well enough by now. She sighed and reached for her wand when James Potter was suddenly there, standing in between Sirius and Severus, the two boys glaring at each other with severe loathing.

"Padfoot! There you are." Lily could detect the cheerfulness in James' voice was forced and noticed James clapped Sirius on the back harder than was necessary. Lily ignored Sirius' wince. "I've got the next round in so let's go." The hand on Sirius' shoulder forcefully propelled him away from the table and towards the bar where Remus and Peter were waiting anxiously.

"Until next time, Snivellus." Sirius waved over his shoulder as he sauntered through the crowded pub towards his friends.

James stood awkwardly next to the table and ran a hand across the back of his neck.

"Err..sorry about him." James smiled apologetically at Lily and she easily read the embarrassment rolling off of him. She noticed with abstract interest that the tips of his ears were going pink and she wondered if it was from the cold weather outside or something else entirely.

"Potter! You've collected your lap dog now leave us in peace for Merlin's sake." Severus' retort was sharp and Lily frowned.

"Right, right." James' eyes still hadn't left Lily's face and she could feel Severus shaking with rage from across the table. "See you, Evans." James flicked a cursory glance in Severus' direction. "Snape." With that parting word, he melted back into the crowd and rejoined his friends at the bar where he grabbed his lukewarm Butterbeer and took a hefty swig.

"Thank Merlin for that." Severus huffed out a sigh and rolled his eyes as he sunk back into his seat before returning his bored gaze back to Lily. "Anyway, you wanted to talk?"

Lily rubbed her forehead and wondered why she had wanted to talk in the first place. Initially she had wanted to see if they could salvage their friendship. She had wanted to clear the air and at least find out whether they could be civil if not friendly towards each other. But she had come to realise that there was nothing that could be said that would change what Severus thought of muggleborns, what Severus thought of _her. _

She could see it so clearly now. And suddenly she wasn't nervous anymore. She knew what she needed to do and she was brave enough to do it.

Taking a deep, cleansing breath in, Lily reached into her bag and pulled out a magical camera.

The corners of Severus' lips twitched upwards in something resembling a smile. This camera had taken pictures of so many happy memories. It had been their secret to begin with – Severus had given it to Lily in their second year and they had freaked out her parents and sister with moving photos when they got the photos developed. It reminded Lily of their friendship, of their youth.

And it had to go.

"I thought you might want your camera back so … here." She slid the camera across the table towards him.

His half smile died and fell from his face. Disbelief flooded his eyes and he stared at her.

"Wh-what?"

"I think you should have it. You bought it with your money and I just think it's best if you have it back." Lily explained patiently.

She could tell that he was shocked. This is not what he had expected. He had expected them to skirt around the subject and for Lily to laugh The Incident off like she had laughed off so many others. But her eyes had been opened now and she had laughed off his demeaning and insulting comments for too long. She had shunned and been shunned by the other girls in her dormitory for too long. His friendship had alienated other people and she had not understood why. The others had tried to warn her, tried to include her in their friendship circle but she had resolutely rooted for the underdog. She had continued supporting him even when he had started to turn his back on her. Whilst she had fought harder for him, he had abandoned her.

His friendship had drained her of who she was, had made her give up her principles and the very things that made Lily, Lily. All the time she had been fighting James and Sirius for being bullies and for treating people badly whilst the boy she had defended, the boy standing at her side, had been turning into something far more cruel and far more dangerous right before her eyes.

She had ignored the signs for too long.

She had been lonely for too long. Even now, with him sat opposite her, she felt lonely. It was a loneliness borne of losing a childhood friend even when they are still right in front of you.

They had changed, irrevocably and so completely, that they would never claw back what they once had.

Lily saw that now.

When she looked into Severus' eyes she, inexplicably, knew that he too understood.

"I see." His voice was cold. Icy, even. His long, thin fingers wrapped around the camera and dragged it across the table into his lap. He gave a snort of derision as he shook his head, eyes downcast. "I thought...Well, I didn't expect this."

She smiled sadly at him and, for a moment, could sense her childhood friend.

It was not enough to break her resolve.

"Is it because of _him?" _

Lily was taken aback by the venom in his voice and watched, alarmed, at the way his eyes burned across the bar to land on the back of James Potter's head.

"What?" She was genuinely perplexed and frowned down at the whorls on the wooden table.

"Don't be thick, Lily." Severus' tone was sharp and Lily coloured instantly; her temper beginning to rise. Had he always spoken to her this way? Why had she not noticed before? "I've seen the two of you talking in class and walking through the halls together."

Lily blinked at him and then laughed. It was almost a bubble of hysteria such was her surprise at his question.

"This has nothing to do with James." She looked him in the eyes and struggled to reign in her temper. "This has everything to do with you. And me. And our messed up friendship that we've both grown out of. This has to do with the fact that you think muggleborns and muggles are somehow less _human_ than pureblood wizards and I _don't." _Her voice became forceful and she banged her Butterbeer down on the table to emphasise her point. The liquid sloshed over the rim and dribbled onto the table as her eyes burned into his.

Severus' eyes narrowed.

"This has to do with what happened at the Lake." He surmised, his voice haughty. "I really thought you would have gotten over that by now. I told you that I didn't mean it." He ran a hand through his hair in frustration and she saw that he was behaving as though she was being childish.

"If you didn't mean it, then why did you say it? Why do you continue to act like you believe it? People are judged on their actions and not their words, Severus. You of all people should know that."

"And Potter!?" Severus' voice was rising; a sure sign that he was becoming angry which was not a feat easily achieved. "Potter is the worst of the lot. He's spiteful and arrogant and if his actions aren't louder than words than what is?! So, why have you forgiven him for all his misdeeds and I … I get a camera handed back to me!?"

Lily held his gaze coolly as she shrugged.

"James apologised."

Snape's mouth dropped open in shock.

"I..I apolog-"

"No." Lily cut him off sharply. "You have not once apologised to me for what you said." Snape went to interrupt. "Not once!" Her glare was fierce and he promptly shut his agape mouth. "And, to be honest, I don't think I would be inclined to believe you even if you did say you were sorry."

She sighed and rubbed her temples briefly. This had proven to be more exhausting than she had expected. She took another gulp of Butterbeer and stood from the booth. She had said all that she came to say and drawing it out would not make the situation any less uncomfortable. Wrapping her scarf around her neck, Lily turned to look at Snape, who was still trying to get past his initial shock.

Lily went to place her hand on his shoulder until he flinched away from her.

Rather than the hurt she had expected to feel at his rejection, she merely felt pity for this weak creature in front of her with his sad and small perception of the world.

"I think it's best that we don't talk any further, Severus. It would be easiest for both of us, I think." Lily's voice was steady and she moved to make her way through the pub when Severus reached out and took hold of her wrist.

She stopped, still facing away from the table.

There was a brief moment of silence between the two of them until Severus let go of her wrist.

"Maybe Slughorn's right, Lily. You really do belong in Slytherin; I never thought you would be this cruel."

His voice was quiet but she heard every word.

Her face drained of colour and she turned to face him, eyes steely and voice cold.

"No, Severus. The hat was right to put me in Gryffindor; I've put an end to this farce of a friendship, my oldest friendship, and that took more bravery than you could ever understand." She defiantly held his gaze and Severus seemed unable to tear his eyes from hers. "But you are a true Slytherin. Through and through. You will pick self-preservation over everything else and, in the end, you will find yourself alone."

With nothing further to say to him, and feeling more than a little pleased at getting in the last word, Lily swept out of the pub and into the wintry weather.

Standing in the cold, she took a few deep breaths of the December air and enjoyed the delicate sensation of the snow falling lightly on her upturned face. Her sodden feet forgotten, she stood with her eyes closed for several long minutes as she felt the heavy weight that had been resting on her shoulders finally lift.

She had mourned the loss of her friendship, the loss of her childhood, and now it was time to move on from it.

"Evans?"

Lily opened her eyes as someone called her eyes and noticed James Potter jogging towards her from across the street. Sirius was leaning against Honeydukes with his hands fisted into the pockets of his jeans and he jerked his head at her in greeting.

"Are you alright?" James was standing a few feet away from her now, bundled up in a heavy cloak with his glasses fogging up with the heat of his breath in the cold air. "Look, I'm really sorry about Sirius. He's just a bit..." James shrugged and smiled at her, unable or unsure how to finish the sentence.

"It's okay." Lily smiled at him. "He wasn't interrupting anything."

James, ever wearing his heart on his sleeve, could not help the ridiculously relieved expression that crossed his face. Lily found it made her smile even more.

"Well we're going to go do some Christmas shopping if you fancied joining us?" James' hand through his mop of dark hair and Lily noticed the tips of his ears were glowing red. His ears fascinated her and she found her chest warming inexplicably as the glowing became more pronounced.

"Erm..thanks but I think I'm going to head back up to the castle; my feet are soaked." Lily smiled genuinely at the teenager standing before her but felt her smile droop when she watched disappointment cloud his eyes.

"Okay. No problem, catch you later, Evans." James turned to trudge back to Sirius and buried his hands into the pockets of his cloak as his shoulders slumped in defeat.

"James!" The boy half-turned at his name and then Lily's hand was on his wrist and her lips were suddenly warm and soft against his cheek. It was over almost before it began and she withdrew to a more appropriate distance. In response to his bemused stare, she beamed at him. "Thank you."

He appeared to be too dumbfounded to speak and was watching her with glowing hazel eyes. She noticed with absolute delight that his cheeks were now flushing to match his ears and she decided that she rather enjoyed the view.

"Anytime." James breathed out, not at all sure what she was thanking him for at all, and continued to stare at her like she was some extraordinary creature that could disappear at any second.

"Sirius." Lily waved to the boy still slumped against Honeydukes but noticed that his expression was far more gleeful than before.

"Wotcha, Evans." Sirius winked at her and grinned.

With one last grin at the still befuddled James, Lily turned, shoved her gloves onto her shaking fingers and walked back to Hogwarts alone.

It was the first time in a long time that she had not felt lonely.

~End


End file.
